Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
