then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk is a universal language darling
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
