I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize