vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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