Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
