Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
