shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
