I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
