Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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