I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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