I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
