woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
