I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
