This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
