I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My ass is underappreciated
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
