"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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