Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
