You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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