I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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