i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
