Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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