thus making me awesome and them whores
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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