Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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