Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
