just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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