Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
