Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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