Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
