We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
