she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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