I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
