If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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