What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
