You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
