I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize