it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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