I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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