3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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