So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
