Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
