yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In America we eat man semen.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
