he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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