you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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