Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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