she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
