where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
