cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
