Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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