He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
