Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
