Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize