She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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