somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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