I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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