There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
