So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
