Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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