I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
