More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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