i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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