I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
