Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
