Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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