Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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