my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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