Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
