Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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