my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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