theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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