tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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