walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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