There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
