Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
