I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it glows. i had to have it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
