I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was like eating out sand paper
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
