I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
