I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
