Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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