I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
