sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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