I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
