Do vagina's smell?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
