He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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