His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my poor anus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
