yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
