I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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