I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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