i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
