Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
